


The Ceiling doesn't Change

by I_have_a_fleet_of_ships



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Alec Lightwood, BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Magnus Bane, Bigotry & Prejudice, Camille Belcourt Being An Asshole, Clave Politics (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Crying, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, F/M, First Meetings, First Words, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Good Sibling Alec Lightwood, Happy Ending, Head of the Institute Alec Lightwood, Homophobia, Hurt Alec, Implied/Referenced Torture, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Internalized Homophobia, Kidnapped Alec Lightwood, Kidnapping, Lightwood Siblings, M/M, Malec, Older Sibling Alec Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane, Sad Alec Lightwood, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Soulmates Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Soulmates- First Words
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2020-03-19 23:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18980785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_fleet_of_ships/pseuds/I_have_a_fleet_of_ships
Summary: Alexander Lightwood used to love the idea of soulmates. The concept that someone out there in the world was made perfectly for you. Someone who would love you wholly with your flaws and insecurities. However Alec now knows the truth about soulmates.(Happy ending I promise)





	1. Alec: a sad boy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first posted fanfic! I was able to write it in three hours and it took 45 min to edit. I have the second chapter done, I'll post it tomorrow. Tell me what you guys think and how Alec and Magnus should meet because I'm trying to come up with a realistic way. Anyway I have off from school for the next couple days so I can write more if anyone is interested, let me know. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first posted fanfic! I was able to write it in three hours and it took 45 min to edit. I have the second chapter done, I'll post it tomorrow. Tell me what you guys think and how Alec and Magnus should meet because I'm trying to come up with a realistic way. Anyway I have off from school for the next couple days so I can write more if anyone is interested, let me know. Enjoy!
> 
> (This work is inspired by GoldenDaydream line "You look pretty worthless to me" from their "flawed design" fanfic, which you should go read also. However the rest of this plot is based on my own experiences and imagination)

Alexander Lightwood used to love the idea of soulmates. The concept that someone out there in the world was made perfectly for you. Someone who would love you wholly with your flaws and insecurities. However Alec now knows the truth about soulmates.

While Alec was younger he thought his soulmate as a faceless figure that would play games with him and be his own age, sense at the time Izzy was just a toddler and couldn’t play with him. Then when Jace became part of the family he thought of his soulmate being a boy and how amazing it would be to kiss a boy instead of a girl. Girls had soft curves and soft voices. Alec wanted someone who looked like Jace, strong and with a deeper voice then a girls.

After coming to the realization that he liked guys solely he was ashamed to tell his family anything, he distanced himself. As a preteen he did his studies, trained, and did everything in his power to make up for the fact that he was gay. Still at night though he would dream of a faceless boy cuddling him and loving him wholly taking away all the shame Alec felt. 

 

Those were the hardest times for him, he was so stressed keeping himself perfect, taking care of his siblings, hiding who he was. Alec was scared, absolutely terrified. He punished himself for not being the best, for not know every fact about the downworlders, about every rune. The only comfort was that his soulmate would one day come and take him away from all this. 

The night before Alec turned eighteen he was very excited to see what his soulmates first words would be. He told everyone else that he didn’t care what his words are. He has built up this persona of a nonchalant shadowhunter that was to be taken seriously. A shadow hunter that wasn't gay and certainly wasn't excited about his soulmate, duty came first after all.

A soulmates first words could appear on any part of the body. Arms, wrists, and shoulders were the most common and just meant that they were compatible. Back, ribs and chest meant that they would always comfort you. Legs and feet meant that they would ground you and hold you up. Having a soulmark on ones face and neck showed that they would be very open with their relationship and never be guilty about their love. 

While a mark on your hips, butt, and upper thigh meant that they would have the strongest emotions together. At first it was thought that they would be the most sexually fulfilled, but that seemed to be a side effect of having a deep emotional relationship, they were almost telepathic and could sense each others emotions. 

Alec hoped he would not have his mark on his neck or face, his stress about not standing out was already high enough. Alec did not need to have a guy soulmate who liked to tell everyone about them. 

It used to be traditional to keep one's soulmark covered up but now they are much more lenient. If only they could act that way towards the LGBT+. Alec is very grateful that when he was sixteen Izzy got him a mundane phone, he told her he doesn't use it but in reality he looked up and learned a lot about the LGBT+. 

Alec learned about internalized homophobia, he's learn about privilege and while he doesn’t live in the mundane world, racism is still present in the Clave, it's just mostly targeted on if someone is a downworlders rather than on their skin color. Alec has made himself a better person he likes to think, sure he hides his true self from everyone, but he has accepted himself. And he is even shutting down shadowhunters who just say straight up hateful things about downworlders. He knows he is not making revolutionary changes but he's working his way up. 

Alec has finally made himself a better person, a person who is in a good place to have a soulmate. Thinking back on it, if the preeteen Alec who was depressed and scared had a soulmate it would of been an unhealthy relationship. He would of depended on this person to be the one thing that made him happy, that's not a fair treatment of anyone. Alec is finally happy with himself, and it's a good thing because any minute now he is going to get his soulmark. You get your soulmark the exact time and date you were born, and it was taking forever for 9:24 pm to come.

Alec needs to distract himself, he tries reading and after rereading the same paragraph over and over, he gives up. He tries to do some push ups to burn the excess energy, but everally gives up when he realizes his to tired from the mission hours before. Alec ends up laying on his back staring up at his ceiling, his eyes tracing the shadows that are caused by his lamps. Over and over his eyes follow the path until his alarm goes off softly. 

Alec jumps up, stumbling a bit due to his head rush. He feels a tingling sensation on the inside of his upper thigh. Alec remembers searching what it is suppose to feel like to get your mark, some described it as a dull pain, some as painful as getting a rune, while others describe it as having boiling water being poured over one's flesh, burning and blistering the skin. 

For Alec though it felt like a gentle touch one that was caring and careful, almost scared that he would break apart. Alec quickly discarded his pants in the hopes of seeing the words appear. After his pants are gone and his boxers rolled up the sensation went away.  
Taking a deep breathe Alec looked down to his right thigh. 

"You look pretty worthless to me" 

What? 

How could- 

Why did they think-

Alec let out a gasp and stumbled towards his bed, still not taking his eyes off the words. The handwriting was nice and curvy, and yet they said such horrible things. Your mark is what you soulmates says directly to you, not in your facility. 

 

Alec breathing increases and before he can think he grabs his stele and draws a silencing and locking rune on the door. He drops his stele not caring when it hits the floor. Alec lets out a cry and his breathing increases until his sobbing and gasping for air. He is letting out a string of no's and is begging this not to be real.

Alec only realizes he is having a panic attack when his fingers dig into the skin next to the words, they ground him. He has coping mechanisms but he can't focus on doing them. Alec just digs his nails deeping and starts taking deep breaths. Tears and snot still run down but he is no longer panicking. 

When he doesn't feel like he is dying anymore he lies down in his bed on his back. Tears going down his face until they reach his ears, Alec licks his upper lip tasting the mucus. He wipes the back of his hand under his nose but it only spreads the snot to the side of his check. He feels disgusting, apparently as disgusting as his soulmate will see him. 

No stop that, Alec tells himself. But that negative voice speaks again, saying that he must have the mark on his inner thigh because his soulmate has a deep hatred and disgust for him. 

 

Alec pushes the meat of his palms into his eyes. No. No. No. No. 

 

"I am not worthless. I am not worthless. I am not worthless." Alec repeated to himself over and over. 

He finally takes his hands away and looks at his ceiling, knowing that only an hour ago he was looking at the same spot with all the hope in the world. How an hour can change so much. Alec tells himself that he doesn't need a soulmate to fix him, that he is not broken, that he will get through this and he will. But Alec also realizes that right now he needs to cry, and he needs to grieve the lost of the soulmate he always hoped to have.


	2. super secret sibling scheme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec comes out of the closest, based on my own experience and word for word what my siblings said to me.

When Alec wakes up the first thing he does is take a shower, washing away the dried tears and snot. He takes a moment to look at the words. 

 

"It's fine, the sooner I accept that this is real the better it'll be". 

And it was fine he went about his day only Jace and Izzy asked about the mark, he shrugged them off saying it didn't matter. No one else asked because Alec always acted that he wasn't interested in soulmates. After a month of this he realized that no one in the world would know the real him, Alec was always counting on his soulmate to know him truly. But sense that is not an option anymore, what else does he do? 

He decides to tell his siblings that he is gay and has been struggling with this part of himself for a long time. He might tell them about the whole soulmate thing another time, but right now Alec realized that he doesn't want to be alone and that he wants to be his true self with his siblings. 

He holds a sibling meeting in his room the following evening. Max who is eleven at that time was also there, he was able come up with an excuse to come to New York after Alec sent him a worrying fire message. 

 

Now Izzy, Jace and Max are sitting on Alec's bed, each sporting a concerned look. After drawing a locking and silencing rune on the door, Alec steps in front of his siblings. 

 

"What I'm about to tell you can never leave this room. And I don't want any interruptions until the end," Alec paused until all his siblings nod their head in agreement. 

 

"I want to tell you guys this because I've been hiding it from everyone for the past- I don't even know how long. It doesn't matter but I've been hiding it for a long time because I felt ashamed for it. So I tried to overcompensate for it by being the best shadowhunter I can." 

 

His siblings all look at eachother with the same questioning looks. Alec paid them no mind he was worried that if he stopped now he would never get around to admitting it. 

 

"And after learning about how toxic that can be I finally accepted myself. And I want to tell you guys this so I'm no longer hiding", Alec let out a gasp of air, and looked to the ceiling before squaring his shoulders and meeting the eyes of his siblings. 

 

"I am gay", each word punctuated clearly and defiantly, daring his siblings to object. 

 

Relief flooded Izzy's features as she stood up and hugged him tight. 

 

" I thought you were dying or that you killed someone!" Jace said before punching his shoulder and wrapping his arms around Alec and Izzy, "You really had me worried you shithead" 

 

Alec looked towards Max worried to see his reaction, only to see him smiling and standing up to join the family hug. 

 

"So you guys are all cool with it?" Alec mumbled into Izzy's hair. 

 

"Of course we are, I'm sorry you felt ashamed and that you couldn't talk to us" Izzy said breaking the hug. 

 

Max piped up by saying "You know the mundanes are saying that today's generation is the gayest. You and your fellow gays can rise up and rule to world".

 

Jace let out a fake gasp, "If you enslave me I would be very mad at you". 

 

"How about all the gays and their allies rise up and enslave homophobes, win win for everyone" Izzy added. 

 

Alec let out a laugh, "Thank you guys". 

Alec felt relief, like he could actually exhale and take a deep breath without a constant weight pushing down on his chest. It felt like pulling yourself out of a river and crawling to land. The water makes your body lighter, and while it is exhausting swimming and getting to land it's worth it, because now you don't have the fear of drowning. His siblings love is like grass and logs on the land that he can use to pull himself out of water, out of the fear.

With one more group hug and a few more jokes they went back to their daily lives, closer now than ever before even when they were kids. They still argued and fought but it was with an understanding that push comes to shove they would always have each others back. This new sibling bond was challenged two years later when Clary Fairchild was discovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12984243/chapters/29684991
> 
> For those asking yes I liked the use of “you look pretty worthless to me” as Alec's soulmark. However my plan for future chapters and the plot in general is very different from GoldenDaydream’s fanfic. After some googling I figured out how to link their work, and I recommend you read it sense they are the one who thought of “you look pretty worthless to me” first. I never want to copy or steal anyone's ideas, I've based Alec's anxiety and coming out on my own experiences sadly. I only want to write an angsty Alec soulmate fanfic with a happy ending so I can express and accept my own struggles, I really don't want to disrespect anyone. Thanks for reading this all and sorry for any confusion. (if the link doesn’t work look up Flawed design by GoldenDaydream)


	3. "Me time"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens, also some background on when this AU is set

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters one day! Life advice whenever someone tries and joke about something offensive don’t laugh and just stare at them until they sense how awkward it is or say that you don't get it and make them try and explain it. Hopefully I can finish the story in the next couple days or leave it for a while when its at a good spot. I have to my SAT this weekend, then I'm going to pride, then I'm presenting at an LGBT+ conference for young adults, very busy! Have a lovely day!

Once Clary Fairchild was discovered Alec's life went downhill. Well that's not really fair to say, but it seemed like his order and routine went to pieces. Now there was more demon attacks, which meant more missions, more briefings, more training, more death, so much so that Alec was appointed to help the head of the institute. 

Who was a groggily old man who was very set in his old ways. Every other word out of his mouth was an insult to downworlder or the f slur, lets just say Alec would rather be anywhere else, literally, even hell at least demons only tried to kill him not insult him. Alec kept it professional and whenever this racist man tried to make an offensive joke Alec would just stare at him and not laugh. After a while the old man stopped making those jokes because of the awkward silence that would follow, small victories. 

Within a couple weeks the stress and a weak heart made the current head of the institute step down and that let Alec take charge. While Alec hoped that bigot would just have a heart attack already, Alec was glad that he left the city for good. Alec had learned a lot during those weeks, manly on how not to run the institute and Alec promised himself that he would involve the downworlders in decisions making. 

He sent out a message to all the local leaders of the downworlders expressing how he himself is ashamed how the Clave and past head of the institute has acted and he proposed to hold weekly cabinet meetings that have total transparency. With this Alec finally felt like he was beginning to to take small steps in a positive direction that leads to the unity of shadowhunters and downworlders.

 

When Alec quickly took control and got everything back to a working order he realized that he neglected his family along with his sleep. Once Alec could finally take the time to breathe and sleep for a solid eight hours he checked in with his siblings. 

It turns out that Jace was very smitten with Clary Fairchild and has been training her personally for the past week. Teaching her how to fight and draw runes. Which is useful but Alec would prefer if she didn't act like a know it all. 

The few times they have spoken she talked over him, asked him questions he just answered, and loudly shouted her opinion about everything. This girl acted as if she was his superior, as if he wasn't the one who trained his whole life, as if he hadn't put blood, sweat, and tears into running the institute. 

 

Ugh, she just annoyed him, and made him feel like he was a closeted kid all over again, that he always had to prove himself, that he had to fight to be taken seriously. Even though Fairchild has only been here for less than a month she was able to get under his skin and subconsciously attack and pull at everything he is self-conscious of.

Alec pushes those thoughts away, he knows that he is the only one that can make himself happy, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when someone tears him down. He'll grow thick skin and remind Fairchild how she is not the center of the world. 

Alec realizes how he has been neglecting his siblings when its Izzy who tells him that Jace and Clary are soulmates.

Shit. 

Not only the is the girl who he strongly dislikes and who caused the influx of demons, here to stay but she is also Jace's soulmate. Why didn't Jace tell him? Even when there were missions everyday, Jace could of found a couple minutes to talk to Alec. But on the other hand Alec didn't seek Jace out either. 

 

Ugh, this is such a mess, why does there have to be so much drama. Alec resolves that he has to confront Jace about this, knowing the both of them if they don't talk about it when it's still fresh they'll end up ignoring it, letting it simmer and eventually making their connection weaker. 

 

When Alec goes to talk to Jace and apologize for not noticing how his parabatai found his soulmate, Jace apologizes first saying that he should of done more to help Alec when the city was under attack. After promising to talk more when problems come up things go back to normal. 

Well a semblance of normal, it still seems that every week a new set of problems or drama arises. Like Jace and Clary going to a warlock to try and get Clary's memories back, only to fail. The fight with Valentine who is apparently Clary's dad. And it's a good thing that Jace and Clary are soulmates because Valentine tried to pull a "I'm your father too Jace", for obvious reasons soulmates can't be related, and Jace was able to kill him them and there. 

Valentine was definitely a creep, Alec shutters at the thought of what would've happened if Valentine was still alive. 

After two months we were able to finally able to kill or arrest all the circle members, secure the mortal cup, finding and destroying the soul sword and finding Clary's mother, who was in a weird comatose state. Which made Fairchild even more hysterical and bossy in the hopes that would make her mother magically wake up. 

But nothing is as simple as it sounds, if that sounded simple, Clary's mundane friend, Simon, was killed and turned into a vampire. Izzy, Clary and Simon released Camille in order to find the book of the white to save Clary's mother. And Alec really wished his siblings would stop breaking the law and accords every second they can, he has enough of a headache dealing with the prejudice of the Clave. 

Alec realizes that he really needed to close out the world for a couple days and focus on "me time". 

 

Alec scoffs at the phrase as he walks down the street after a solo mission. He's tired, sore and covered in blood, luckily most of it not belonging to himself. Alec draws a healing rune, not having much more energy to do anything else. And continues walking through the dark park which lead directly towards the institute. 

Alec slows his walking and looks up to the sky, taking a deep breath of the crisp night air. Relishing in the sounds of the crickets and toads from the pond, and the calming atmosphere. 

Maybe he does need some "me time". 

 

Alec continues his journey back, when he hears a fast rustling from the nearby wooded area, too fast and heavy to be an animals. That's his final thought before everything goes dark.


	4. I'm gay you crazy bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who took Alec and what do they want?

Alec continued to phase in and out of consciousness. When he finally woke he realized that he was tied down to a chair. Looking down he notices that it wasn't rope or duck tape holding him, which he could typically get out of, it was metal bands locking his wrists, elbows, his midsection and his knees to a sturdy metal chair that's was connected to the floor. 

 

Okay so not an easy escape. Alec looked around the room, it was sparse. An exposed wooden ceiling with wires exposed that connected to a light, and with concrete walls and floors. There was a large space in front of him that only had a cart full of tubing and wires in the corner. Alec couldn't see behind him but he guessed there was an exist, he also guessed that he was in a basement or underground area due to the musky smell. Whoever knocked him out knew what they were doing.

For a fleeting second he worried that this was the Clave's doing, but the New York Institute would practically boycott if they had to deal with different leader, he got stuff done and did not overwork people. Alec wonders who else would be as crazy to kidnap him, when the presumably door opened with a groan of protest. Now he knows there is a door and if he frees himself he could probably kick it down. Okay he has a plan, sort of a plan, eh hopefully his siblings would notice he's missing. 

 

Three people walk into the room, two are wearing boots and the other one heels. Alec takes a deep breath and looks to the person in front of him. 

Camille?

"Are you surprised?" 

What would a banished vampire want him? The Clave has ordered for her arrest. 

"You might be asking yourself why you're here," Camille purred. "Well I need to make a deal with the Clave, and you're the perfect person to make that happen". 

"The Clave does not negotiate with traitors", Alec spits at her. 

Camille's smirk grew, as she ran her hand over his chest and gave him a seducing look, or tried to at least. "Are you sure about that?"

Alec scarfed at her attempts at flirting. "Yeah sorry you're not really my type". 

Camille eyes hardened and her hand wrapped around his neck. "Got something against downworlders? Ha you're just like the rest of the Nephilim -" 

"I'm gay you crazy bitch", Alec said leaning away from her hold. Why did he just admit that to her, ugh this is going downhill fast.

"Ohh, well guess I'll have to use other means in order to get a deal", she signed leaning back, her finger tapping her painted lips. "Ah I know just the thing. I have been wanting to try this out and you're the perfect one to test it". 

Camille motioned to one of the men in the room, who pulled the cart right next to Alec. She pulled a knife off the top of cart. 

"Really? Torture? Isn't that a little cliché?" 

Camille paused and gave a thoughtful hum, she must of decided something because she still moved toward Alec. 

The shadowhunter fought against his binds, but stopped when a hand hit him across the face. "Now, now none of that. Wouldn't want to hurt yourself would you?" 

Camille nodded to the two men and before Alec could struggle more, one of the vamps came up behind him, moving Alec's head until he was forced to look up. The other man was holding a piece of long tubing directly over Alec's face. 

Alec panicked not knowing what was going to happen and started thrashing even more. The first vamp pinched his nose until Alec was forced to breathe through his mouth. At that moment the tube was shoved down his throat. Alec gagged, and tried to bit down. 

 

Camille who Alec forgot was there ran the knife down his chest, tearing his already dirty shirt and leaving a trail of blood. Alec let out a muffled scream because damn it that hurt. 

 

"Tsk, tsk, I told you not to struggle", Camille said. She was probably smiling right now. But how dumb is she, Alec can't make a deal with her if he is unable to even speak. Alec lets out another yell, screw them if they thought Alec Lightwood was going to go quietly. He gets several more cuts for his effort. 

 

Camille mutters to herself, "Fine have it your way". She picked up a bottle and unscrewed the top before handing it to one of the men, who poured it down Alec's throat. 

 

"Now", the crazy bitch said as she cut off Alec's sleeves, "Shadowhunter blood is a highly sought out drink, hopefully that potion works so your blood becomes irresistible". 

 

Alec let out more loud curses, not caring that he was hurting his throat, he continued to yell and shout indistinguishable words as he tugged at the restraints, until his voice gave out. 

 

Alec's head was once again held still as the tube was finally removed only for a metal gag to replace it. The gag locked in the back of his head and the metal ball prevented Alec from biting through. It stretched his jaw as much as the tube did and only added to the pain of his mouth and throat. 

 

When the two men stepped back and Alec could raise his head again he was immediately met with a fist, then another one. Pain blossomed across cheekbone and eye, his teeth hurt as he bit the metal ball. Seeing as he could no longer talk he settled for glaring at Camille. 

 

Camille simply smirked and said, "This is when the fun happens. Lets see how much blood you can give before you pass out! Can't believe I have my own shadowhunter bitch, I’ll be able to bribe any vampire to get out of the city.” 

So that’s why she wants his blood.

The two other vamps set up an IV rack on either side of Alec, complete with baggies and tubes, then simultaneously they stab both of Alec's forearms with a needle. Alec really hopes that the needles and the tube they used previously were sterile. He laughed at himself why is he worrying about catching some bacteria when he is literally being bled out. 

Alec tries to plan an escape or at least find some info that can help him. Since the Vampires are doing this it means it's at night, most likely the same night he was taken, since he hasn’t gone to the bathroom in his pants, which he would of if he was here for more than twenty four hours. Alec doesn't know how far away from the institute he is since vamps have super speed. What could he do to get out of here, think, think. 

 

Duh his parabatai rune with Jace. Alec sends worry, stress, and pain through the link hoping that Jace realizes this is an emergency. 

 

Alec starts to feel woozy when Jace sends back worry and panic. Alec sends pleading emotions, please come find me, please, but the room is spinning and everything looks like grey static, before he passes out.


	5. Relax I'm bisexual myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally get to meet Magnus!

Magnus portalled back home after a night at the Pandemonium Club to tend to business regarding the new head of the Institute. Downworlders are always skeptical of shadowhunters especially those working directly for the Clave. But this shadowhunter seems to be the exception, he's fair and just, he has turned rouge werewolves and vampires over to their pack and clan leaders. Instead of turning them over to the Clave, where they would most likely be tortured and killed. A werewolf killing a mundane who tried to rob their family does not deserve a death penalty. 

 

It now makes since to Magnus why the head of the Institute sent him a message, saying that he wants to make a downworlder cabinet meeting. The warlock first thought of it as a trap to find some way to arrest them all, or attack other downworlders while their leaders were all occupied. 

 

But now Magnus thinks that this Alexander Lightwood might actually make a change, or at least try to. Magnus feels like he has been waiting a hundred years for this to finally happen, probably because he has been.

 

Magnus has just finished feeding Chairman Meow when he catches a fire message. 

 

Seeing as its past nine pm, and past business hours, Magnus thinks about just ignoring the message, but if it was an emergency. . . Magnus lets out a sigh and looks down at the message. 

 

High Warlock Bane please come to the New York Institute as quickly as you can. The head of the institute has been taken, we've been searching for the last 18 hours for him. Please come perform a tracking spell, I'll pay you whatever you want as long as I get my brother back.   
Isabelle Lightwood. 

 

Really? Magnus was just getting his hopes up that shadowhunters could be civil with downworlders and someone kidnapped the person making that happen. He grabbed a few potions he might need and opened a portal. This was going to be a long night. 

 

Once Magnus made it inside the Institute he saw how disorganized it was, people were scrambling around, you'd think the city was being attacked with how stressed the shadowhunters were. Before Magnus could ask one of them where he should go a voice called out. 

 

"Thank you for making it on such short notice. As you can tell we'll all lost without my brother". 

 

Magnus spun around and his eyes landed on who he assumed was Isabelle Lightwood standing next to a glaring blond. 

 

"Yes that would appear so", Magnus said as he looked over his shoulder again. Most of the shadowhunters seemed to have paused to look at him, but instead of seeing the faces show dislike he saw hope. That's different. 

 

"Follow us", the blond grunted out, then paused when Isabelle sent him a glare "please". Magnus shrugged his shoulders and followed. 

 

As they were walking down the corridors Magnus noticed the grumpy one rubbing his hip bone over and over. 

 

"Are they soulmates?" Magnus leaned towards Isabelle to ask. 

 

She let out a snort, "Angle no, they're parabatai, sort of like soulmates. They can tell when the other is hurt or feeling strong emotions. Early this morning Jace felt immense pain through the bond, a couple hours after Alec was supposed to return from a mission". 

 

Magnus now knew that the blond ones name was Jace, but before he can ask more about what happened Isabelle continued. 

 

"Once we get him back I’m banning him from going on solo missions. I don't care if he says he wants to clear his head I'm not letting him leave this Institute for a month and if he tries to sneak away, I’ll lock him away. Urgh", Isabelle painted 

 

"You and me both. Pretty sure Max would help tie him down". 

 

The shadowhunter saw Magnus's confused look and explained, "Our younger brother Max, he's barely a teenager far and from being a little kid but he can still has Alec wrapped around his finger". Both siblings shared a private smile at whatever memory they were thinking of, Magnus almost felt rude for interrupting the moment when he pointed out that he needed to track Alexander. 

 

The three of them continued down the hall until they stopped outside of a door. Where Jace spoke again, "This is Alec's room, hopefully you can find something that has a strong aura so you can track him. Also he doesn't like people in his room. In this case he's gonna have to put up with it, but what you see in here it'll be nice if you could keep it to yourself". 

 

Magnus nodded and started imagining what lay beyond the door. Maybe he had a kinky bedroom that had whips and paddles on display, or maybe chains and ropes, or maybe- wow Magnus needs to get his mind out of the gutter. 

 

Isabelle draws a rune on the door and it unlocks. Magnus steps in using his magic to feel for something that can track Alexander. As Magnus walks around the room he sees photos that have Isabelle, Jace and who he assumes is Max. Magnus also notice how many books there are, not only are there three bookcases filled to the brim, there is also piles on the desk and the floor surrounding the desk. The warlock's eyes sweep over the bed,that was perfectly made, to the closet, which he approached. 

 

"Using a piece of clothing is the easiest thing to track a person", the warlock says as he walks towards the closet. 

 

There was no whips or chains around, Magnus was confused on what the siblings were so worried about. He opened the closer door, and in the corner of his eye he saw a flutter of movement. Magnus looked and saw a little rainbow pride flag pinned up on the inside of the door. 

 

Magnus let out a small laugh. "I can see how ironic it is having a pride flag inside a closet". He tried not to think about how prejudice the Clave is and how much Alexander and people like him must have suffered because of it. 

 

Jace stepped forward crossing his arms he said, "There's not going to be a problem is there?" 

 

The warlock rolled his eyes. "Relax I'm bisexual myself", he motioned to his whole body to prove his statement of how glittery and glammed his was. "Plus I've lived for hundreds of years I’m well aware what homophobia is, and I never want anyone to feel it". 

 

Isabelle nods her head. "The Clave is still set in there homophobic and racist ways. But at this Institute the older shadowhunters don't really care and don’t outwardly target anyone, while the younger ones are supportive". 

 

Jace laughs. "Also the majority of them already know Alec and a few others are LGBT, you know? I think the others are waiting for Alec to come out before they do, just so they have the support". 

 

"Our big brother really is an iconic gay", Isabelle says while leaning against Jace. 

 

Magnus snorts ad he finally pulls out an old worn sweater from the closet. He turns to face the siblings, "This will do". Magnus turns back to look at the closet, his eyes sweeping over the single color wardrobe, "Only seems to be a fan of blacks, what a shame". 

 

"I know right! I keep on trying to get him in blues and greens because those bring out his eyes but he is so stubborn. At least this one", she motions to Jace, "has Clary, his soulmate, to force him into different color tops". 

 

Jace huffs. "Alec is still missing how about we force him into colors after we find him". Isabelle nods, and her and Magnus follow Jace out of the room. 

 

Magnus looks back to where that little pride flag is now hidden, he feels his heart clench. Alexander Lightwood really is something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a month hehe, but now my finals are over and I can start writing regularly. Also anyone else going to NYC pride tomorrow?


	6. Why do all the handsome men have to be crazy lunatics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's going to happen to Alec? Is anyone going to rescue him or is he going to do it himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while this took me a long time to write. Also disclaimer this includes the fact that Alec peed his pants, he's been locked up for over 12 hours. Also includes Alec breaking his thumb too, I did some research on how to break a thumb but I’m not watching a video on how to do it so sorry if this is incorrect.

Magnus followed the siblings through the Institute, until they were back in the ops room. The other shadowhunters stood to the side and watched as Magnus focused his magic onto a sweater. Since Magnus didn't know Alexander personally and couldn't search for his aura, he had to search for the owner of the sweater. Which tends to give a weaker single. 

  
  
The outside of a run down building flashed in his mind, then he saw a figure's back in a chair and another person's presence. Magnus pushed his magic further. Forcing it to discover the identity of the person who took Alexander. He wielded his magic gently bending it and slowly turning it so it would focus on the assailants. The warklock jumped back as Camille's face came into focus.    


  
Magnus took several deep breaths, slowly retracting his magic back into his fingertips and out if the sweater before opening his eyes. The shadowhunters were looking at him with concern and Isabelle's hand was resting on his shoulder.    


  
Magnus cleared his throat. "Good news I know where the head of the Institute is. The bad news is that I also know who took him".    
  


* * *

  
After the shadowhunters settled down from their out cry the warlock could discuss with the Lightwood siblings what the best plan of action was. It's no surprise that the shadowhunters are very loyal but having all of them yell and demand answers at the same time is unproductive. It was decided that Magnus would be the one to infiltrate the abandoned building, trick Camille enough to be shown where Alexander was. Then quickly open and portal for the shadowhunters to come through, while also creating a ward around the building to prevent any vampires from escaping. 

  
  
The amount that Magnus would be payed didn't come up. The warlock felt that it was a good idea to have the New York Institute owe him a favor, with the Clave being prejudiced against downworlders it was a necessary safety net, however the new attitude this Alexander was taking it seemed that wouldn't be needed. But it couldn't hurt to have a favor in case of a rainy day, or more likely a warlock child. 

 

Shadowhunters are always so eager to protect their own, they even train them how to fight at a young age, but when others protect their young, especially downworlders it's seemed as a horrible thing. Maybe because a warlock child looks innocent but a few have uncontrolled magic. Magnus finds it hypocritical that shadowhunters judge downworlders since they are the ones who give their own children knives and swords to play with. 

 

They are also hypocrites about the whole soulmate thing, they claim that only pure creatures from the angle get soulmarks, however downworlders also have them. It's best not to dwell on how much he hates the Clave while he is helping find one of the shadowhunter's leaders. Although he is beginning to have high hopes that Alexander will be different. 

  
Soon it was game time. Shadowhunters were positioned far enough from the building to not be sensed by the vampires. Isabelle and Jace and another handful were in the meeting spot to be portalled in. All the shadowhunters had the runes activated and Magnus took an energy potion in case things went downhill. 

  
Now it was just up to his acting, the warlock had to pretend to be concerned about what Camille was up to, he would have to play to game of pretending to still have feelings for her and wanting her to be safe. The thought itself was revolting and made acid rise in the back of his throat. It was bad enough that he had to see his manipulative and borderline abusive ex but now he had to act like he was still under her control, still in love with her. Magnus placed one of his hands on his hips, a casual position that could be ignored by the shadowhunters. However he placed his hand on his soulmates first words to him,

  
"There is nothing ugly about you" 

  
The words still make him smile even though he has had them for centuries. When he was a child he couldn't even read them because they were not in his native tongue. But once he learned all of the english language it was comforting to know that no matter how many times people think he is a monster, like his step father, or unlovable, like Camille, Magnus had a soulmate and they thought that there was nothing ugly or broken about him. 

  
Magnus stood up straighter, relaxed his shoulders and his jaw then he opened a portal to the front of the building.    
  


* * *

 

When Alec next woke up he noticed several things. One being that he was in immense pain, his chest, cheekbone, jaw and throat were crying out. The pain was surging through him like boiling liquid, it must be because of the potion they force feed him. Was that yesterday, or a couple hours ago? That's when Alec realizes the second thing, he peed his pants. Great now he was covered in blood, tears, snot, sweat, and urine. Alec carefully moves his head down, mindful of the pain caused by any movement, and yup there is a visible wet stain. 

  
Alec tries to calculate how long he has been in here, due to his exhaustion and blood lost probably more then ten hours, but if no vamps show up soon then we'll assume it's before dark, or heaven forbid the next morning. If he's been here for over twenty four hours then a Clave representative has to come and step in as the new head of the Institute. Alec has worked to hard for that to happen. 

 

He has plans! Plans! For the future and how to connect the shadow and down worlds together. He not gonna let some racist Clave member take his job away from him. 

  
Alec tries to ignore the pain as best he can while he gently pulls and twists his wrist. His jacket sleeve was cut off when Camille drained him of blood, however the metal bands locking him in place were made to fit him while he had his jacket on. There was now a little space between the bar and his wrist. After tugging and twisting didn't work Alec realized that he would have to break his thumb in order to escape. He watches the vamps unlatch the bars on his forearms when they needed to get blood, and they were still unlocked. All he would have to do is squeeze both sides of each of the remaining bars and he would be free.

 

Alec remembers when Izzy broke her wrist and had been too young for runes so her arm was placed inside of a cast for two months. At worst he'll have a cast for a couple weeks and would have to do physical therapy to build up the strength to shoot arrows again. 

  
Alec took a deep breath and angled his hand to have his thumb straight resting on the arm rest while the rest of his fingers dangled off the side. Goodbye left thumb Alec thought morbidly as he smashed his joint down on the edge of the arm rest. 

  
OW! HOLY FUCK THAT HURTS! 

  
Fuck fuck fuck OW. He couldn't even yell because his throat was so badly damaged.    
  


Alec took several deep breaths through his nose because his mouth was still gagged. Okay he thought now time to escape all he needed to do was get free and go outside where it will hopefully be daytime and the vamps can follow. 

  
Alec looked down as he moved his hand free and he almost threw up, god why do broken bones look so gross. He just slipped free and started carefully turning his body towards his right hand, being mindful of the cuts on his chest, when the door behind him slammed open.  

 

Shit.    
  


Alec's wrist was grabbed forcefully. 

  
"Tsk, tsk. You wouldn't be trying to escape would you?" Camille's voice oozed with fake sweetness. 

  
When Alec only glared at her she lifted the hand on his wrist and wrapped it around his hand, putting pressure on the broken thumb. 

  
The shadowhunter gave a gargled yell as he thrashed against his bonds. Alec felt dizzy and would be throwing up if the gag wasn’t in the way, instead he swallowed the stomach acid back down and tried to focus on his breathing. This continued for a couple everlasting seconds until someone in the room clears their throat. 

  
Once Camille let go of his hand Alec noticed the other man present. He was very glittery and pristine, from a soft looking shirt, probably silk or something, with several buttons undone, to his tight pants, Alec looked elsewhere before he started blushing. The shadowhunters eyes quickly swept over the mans face taking in the details, Alec reasoned with himself that it was because he wanted to memorize who was working with Camille. Why do all the handsome men have to be crazy lunatics.    
  


* * *

  
Mangus looked down at this man strapped to a chair, blood covered his chest and his has a gag in his mouth. The warlock stares shell shocked when Camille puts pressure on the shadowhunters broken thumb. How could he ever have loved her, when she is so cruel to others. The look of defiance on Alexander face jolts Magnus into action by reminding Camille that he is still here. 

  
The man's eyes sweep over Magnus like he is calculating how much of a threat he is and when his gaze meets Magnus, Magnus can see the bruised cheekbone and jaw. 

  
How could someone hurt such a handsome face Magnus thought, stop that right now Magnus tells himself you are here to rescue Alexander not flirt with him.    
  


* * *

  
"Oh I forgot to do introductions". The shadowhunter turned to glare at Camille again. 

  
"Mr.Lightwood", she said with a sarcastic tone, "Meet the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane". 

  
Alec’s eyes widened, why would the High Warlock be stupid enough to go against the Accords to help out a traitorous vampire that even the local Clan leader hates. Alec thought that the relationship with the downworlders was at least salvageable. But apparently not if the respected leaders are following through with their revenge plots. 

 

Alec don't blame them exactly but it's gonna be a hell of a lot harder to convince the Clave that downworlders are equal if even the leaders of them act out. This is a big mess. 

  
"And Magnus this is the worthy head of the New York Institute". 

  
The High Warlock gave Alec a fake smirk and said, "You look pretty worthless to me". 

  
...What? How could- Why would he be-

  
Why does the fucking universe hate me.

 

 Alec knew this day would come but really his perfect match made by the angels themselves is a person who hates him. Alec's worst fears are true, the reason his soulmark is on his inner thigh is because of the deep hatred Magnus feels for him. 

 

Fuck. 

  
Camille spoke again, "Oh look at that you're making him cry. Seems like this little shadowhunter is only strong when I was cutting him up or bruising his face but as soon as someone says mean words to you, you cry like a little baby". 

  
Alec had not realized that he was crying, and he reasoned with himself that he could cry later when he was in the medical bay, right now he needed to escape. 

  
Alec’s left hand with the broken thumb was still free all he needed to do was wait for a distraction and free his other hand, midsection,and legs. The distraction came when Camille leaned back and started laughing, like one of the evil villains in the movies that Simon showed everyone. 

  
Alec quickly leaned over and squeezed the release for his right hand, he moved his left hand to his midsection while his right unlocked both his legs, it was faster with the use of his thumb. Alec heard shouting and rushed to unlock his last leg.

  
By the time he looked up Camille was in a cage and the High Workload was opening a portal. 

 

Alec tried to stand to prevent the warlock from running away, but Jace, Izzy, Clary and a few others came out of the portal looking ready to fight. A commotion was heard outside the door and everyone but Izzy ran off. 

 

She checked over Alec her hands running over him but never actually touching. She said something but Alec couldn't focus on the words being spoken. Suddenly there was a hand rested on his cheek, Alec looked up and noticed Magnus was there carefully unlocking the gag that was in his mouth. 

 

The shadowhunter opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out, the warlock shushed him anyways and Alec felt magic caress the bruises on his cheekbone and spread through the rest of his body. A bottle was placed against his lips and there was a promise that this would help with the pain. Alec's headache lessened but his body became heavy and his eyes almost shut. Just before they did though he heard the High Warlock, his soulmate tell Izzy that his magic couldn't heal him. Well Alec thought that's not good, and with that on his mind Alec fell into a deep slumber.

 


	7. Sit on his legs so he can’t get up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is a hurt boy and this is how everyone takes care of him. Includes Max and Magnus having a chat because that needs to happen more often in fanfics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a lot of googling and asking my brother how to mess with someone's blood so healing takes longer I sort of have a thing. I'm so sorry if you you are a doctor/nurse or work with red cross or something and you're like wtf this can't ever happen, neither can shadowhunters but lets stretch our imagination for the sake of plot lol. Also this is a month latter because I had a pre-college crisis of me wondering what the heck I am going to do with my life so shout out to ya'll if you're having that too.

Alec doesn't remember being carefully lifted with magic and transported back to the institute. Nor does he remember Izzy and Jace cutting away his clothes to clean the wounds, both of them seeing his soulmark as they redressed him in boxers and sweatpants. The siblings nod at each other knowing that once Alec is healed they will wrap him up in bubble wrap and do a better job of protecting because he deserves more than a shitty soulmate. After this Jace goes back to the rundown building to take his anger out on the vampires while Izzy lets the other healers and the High Warlock into the room.

 

Alec doesn't remember Magnus calling Catrina, and how both of the warlocks and his sister try and figure out what was wrong with him. They had to perform a blood transfusion because of how much Alec lost, and his metabolism is barely working meaning that his runes and warlock magic can't speed up the healing. Instead Alec gets a cast on his left hand, and stitches on a few deep cuts on his chest. 

 

Once he is cleaned up and the wounds are dressed they allow Max to come in the room. Alec doesn't know that Magnus's heart clenched as he saw the thirteen year old crawl into Alec's bed and put cartoon character band-aids on the bruise on Alec's cheekbone and jaw. And when Max got board with that he pulled out a marker and started drawing on Alec’s cast, in the hopes to distract himself.

While Magnus's sleep potion was still in effect the shadowhunters caught all the rogue vampires, and when they found the packages full of Alec's blood Clary threw up. Izzy contacted Ralphale to tell him the situation, while she ran diagnostics on the poison that was fed to Alec.    
  


When the blood was collected the shadowhunters had Simon test how appealing it was- not by drinking any of it but by being in the same room as it to tell how potent it was. Apparently it was the equivalent of a five course meal that was really appealing. 

 

In order for this to happen the blood cells needed to slow down creating a delicious smell and taste but also slowing down Alec's metabolism. And since the healing rune and magic speed up the metabolism in areas of injury they couldn't heal him, they needed to wait until all his blood was cleaned, and he digested and excreted the potion. So for the next week Alec would need two blood transfusions a day and plenty of fiber.

 

There was also the worry of If this potion got into a mundane they would be reduced to vegetation and their bodies would fail. The warlocks and Izzy sent all of their findings to the respected leaders of the downworlders and put a BOLO on any vampire who Camille sired.    


  
Cat also noticed through her magical scans that Alec's throat, especially his vocal cords were damaged and he wouldn't be able to talk for the next couple days either. Max figured out a way to set up one of the tablets, so that everything Alec wrote would be spoken out loud. Magnus noticed how stressed Max was over his sibling's injury, from curling up on Alexander’s side, to nervously sitting the bedside chair inoder to get out of peoples way. Magnus walked over and put his hand on the boys' shoulders.

 

“Hey I think your siblings were talking about the best way to keep Alec in bed until he is feeling better. I personally vote for you sit on his legs so he can’t get up”, the High Warlock said hoping to distract the young shadowhunter.

 

Max gave a watery smile. “I think we should lock away his bow and arrows so he has no choice but to rest or do paper work”, Max made a face when he said paperwork. 

 

“That might punishment enough having to do reports all day.”

 

“Nah”, Max says looking back at Alexander, “he likes being a leader and making sure everything is working well and taking care of everyone and making everyone happy and.. and..” Max huffed out a breath and rubs his eyes. 

 

His voice is wobbly when he says, “He works so hard, too hard. Running the Institute is supposed to be a full time job but he does patrols on the side, just to make sure that Jace and Izzy don’t get hurt. But then Alec ends up hurt and no one was there to protect him or have his back, and-and I know I need more training and I can’t protect him yet. But..”

 

“You want to be there. To protect him,” Magnus rubs his hand up and down Max’s shoulder in order to soothe the boy. “Don’t think that you don’t help him, I have heard from Isabelle how much he adores you, okay? And you are already helping with his recovery,” Magnus points to the cast and the tablet. 

 

“When you become a big strong shadowhunter,” Magnus says using a gruff voice and puffing out his chest, he gets a laugh, “then you can use a weapon to help him, okay?”

 

Max still looked skeptical. “What about in the meantime?”

 

“How about this I’ll protect him until you are able to, Hm? A High Warlock is a very good at protecting others, and your can tell just from tonight that I’m good at it.” 

 

Why did Magnus just promise this boy that he’ll protect his older brother, even though his brother is very good looking and is inclusive with downworlders, and loves his siblings and- no Magnus stop that you know how bad it is to get involved with nephilim. 

 

However when Max gives him a warm smile, stands up and wraps his arms around Magnus, the warlock can’t help but feel that he made the right decision. 

 

After that Max curled back up into Alec’s uninjured side and when the sun started to rise Magnus and Cat leave the Institute.   
  


* * *

  
It is hard for Alec to wake up, the sleepiness and the darkness tries to submerge him under. It doesn't help that by starting to become fully conscious he feels more pain that he knew would increase. 

 

Sleeping until his body decided to heal himself sounded like a good option. 

  
But then Alec remembered the events that lead to this, Camille kidnapping him, the tube down his throat, the needles and blood, the pain, then the High Warlock, and- fuck, his soulmate. After that he remember Izzy's face and someone's gentle touch but nothing else. Alec slowly lifted his eyelids blinking at the lights above. 

  
"Hey there,'' someone said to his left. Alec slowly turned his head and looked at his sister who, lack of better words, looked like a mess, even though he would never say that to her face. Her eye makeup was smudged, her foundation was cracked and her lipstick was all but gone. Proving that she had been wearing it for hours if it days. And her hair, oh boy. 

 

There was a snuffling sound to Alec's right,he turned his head slowly once again and saw Max who was laying on Alec’s bed curled up around his side. Alec tried to speak in order to comfort his siblings but his throat hurt and no sound came out. 

  
"Oh, here you go,'' Izzy said as she stood up and moved a straw in front of his face. 

  
After drinking his full, he gave Izzy a questioning look and motioned around them with his left hand which he realized was in a decorated cast, probably due to Max who let out a giggle when Alec saw a bunch of little cat drawings all over his broken hand. The image made Alec smile and made Max look like he was on the verge of tears. After a couple gentle and awkward hugs Alec once again tried to motion his hand in a questioning way as if to say “what happened here”.

  
Apparently his siblings were able to understand his movement and told him what had happened, Jace got the feeling that Alec needed help at 3 am, they searched the whole day and no one could get any work done because they were all worried, they finally called the High Warlock Magnus Bane because they were helpless. They did that at 9pm, found out where Alec was and carried out their plan, then they finally got Alec back to the Institute around midnight. 

 

The hurt man gave a worried look when Izzy mentioned Magnus, thinking that Alec didn't know that Maguns was on their side, Izzy explained how Magnus helped and had fooled Camille, and even how him and the Warlock Catrina Loss stayed until the sun rose inorder to help heal Alec. Max then went into a spiel about how Magnus said that he would help Max in protecting Alec. That peaked Izzy’s interest and she gave Alec a look that said they would be discussing that later. 

 

Izzy then told her brother what the potion did and how it was being handled in the downworlder community. When Max told him that it was 4pm the day after he got kidnapped Alec tried to get out of bed. The meeting with the downworlder leaders was at 10:30 later that evening and Alec needed to prepare. Max sat on his legs in order to hold him down, the only part of his body that wasn't hurt. 

  
Alec motioned with his right hand someone writing. And it was only when he lied back down that Max got off of him and gave the shadowhunter a tablet, while explaining which app to use in order to speak. 

 

* * *

  
Alec thought, if he told his siblings that he needed to go to the meeting they won't allow him. But if he cancelled, even though he was injured that would still look bad, they would think he was going back on his word and his promise to resolve the tension between both worlds. How was he supposed to create open communication if he wasn't there to communicate. 

 

He had the tablet so he could use that. Only half of the leaders know exactly what state he is in, Raphael because he needed to know the symptoms of what the portion did and Magnus because he was here to heal him and apparently promise to protect him. Magnus- oh Alec feels his anxiety rising from the whiplash of emotions he is feeling about his soulmate. Right now he needs to be alone, then he can worry about what he was going to do next.    
  


Alec typed into the tablet, " _Thank you both for your concern but I need to be alone right now to process what just happened. You guys and Jace can come back tomorrow but right now I need time to think_ ". Izzy nodded and kissed the top of his head, while Max carefully untangled his limbs and get off the bed.

 

Izzy helped Alec into a hoodie so he wouldn’t need to put a heavy blanket on is bandaged chest. In order to not aggravate the wounds she only zipped the hoodie half way. She then gave him a thermos with warm honey tea to help his throat and his phone that he was to use if he needed help going to the bathroom or anything else. After Alec promised that he would use it if he needed and that he wouldn’t take his new IV out that Max had named his dinner, his siblings finally left him alone. Alec let out a sign when the door was closed.

 


	8. “You can't help how you are born”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec panics then calms down then plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup its been a long time. But here is my gift for all of you putting up with this, happy holidays.

Alec takes several deep breaths in for five seconds out for six, over and over, while repeating to himself that it is going to be okay. Just because he is stressed and anxious now doesn't mean it's going to last forever. He is okay, his family is okay the Institute is okay. Keep on breathing.

The immediate panic is gone after a while.

Alec needs a plan. Plans always help break down the thing causing you stress into tiny pieces that you can accomplish and he accepts that somethings cant be controlled or planned out. Like Alec being kidnapped wasn't on his agenda, meeting his soulmate last night wasn't part of the plan. But that's okay, he tells himself, I can focus on things that are in my control and what happens happens. It will be okay.

Alec brings his tablet over to him and starts planning. The large task is the cabinet meeting tonight. He'll need trusted shadowhunters to welcome the downworlder leaders in and show them to the meeting room. Alec pulled up a message to Underhill asking him to be the one on the east side entrance welcoming the leaders and showing where they should go. He then plans an email to the downworlders confirming that there is a meeting and telling them which entrance to enter. He doesn’t want it to seem like he is trying to push them in the back door, not to be seen by the shadowhunters and just swept under the carpet. However, Alec just doesn’t want the leaders to be looked at or anyone to say a remark, rude or otherwise. Just as he sends the message Underhill writes back to him.

_I can take care of it. I know how important this is to you and I don't want to question your judgment but just remember to take it easy because of your injuries. While I doubt any of them will start anything because you are “weakened” just know that I have your back._

Alec smiled and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding he was about to flip the tab over to his agenda for the meeting when another message came through from Underhill.

_Also I won't tell Izzy or Jace about the meeting, so you don't have to worry about either of them locking you up in the medical bay._

Alec sends back his thanks and reviews his agenda adding in what Izzy forwarded to him about the potion Camille obtained, its effects and who had the means of making it. After all that was done it was only seven, the meeting was at ten thirty. So the head of the Institute pulled up the patrol schedules, making sure everything was working smoothly. He started reading the reports from the day before, categorizing them into the system.

The shadowhunter noticed that the majority of patrols from yesterday didn't actually go out and look for demons, they went out looking for him. Almost the entire Institute at one point of another went out in shifts looking over all over Manhattan and Brooklyn for him. It made his heart warm. Even though he shouldn't be glad he caused them all so much stress it showed that they actually valued him as a leader. It also showed how dependent on him they were. Alec made a note to make sure there is a system in place in case anything like this happens again. He finished reading their reports and noticed that it was nine o'clock.

Time to get ready for the meeting, for seeing his soulmate. Stop he told himself focus on this, control your emotions for a couple hours, then the anxiety that has been building up in his chest can be let out. Just make it through tonight.

Alec slowly got up from the bed using the IV stand as a stabilizer. He looked down at himself. He couldn't go to the meeting dressed in a hoodie and joggers. He might be able to leave the pants on because there black and wouldn’t be as noticeable under the table. But he'll definitely needs a new shirt. The thought of pulling a t-shirt or even a sweater over his head makes him wary or reopening his stitches. If he puts on a big enough button up however, it'll be easier and he can roll the sleeves so they don't look awkward over his cast. Guess all that fashion advice from Izzy helps.

Now he just needs to sneak into his room then to the east side of the building towards the meeting rooms. He can do this. Alec grabs his phone and puts it into his hoodie pocket along with his stele, then he tucks his tablet under the bicep of his left arm. Since his fingers were free from the cast he could hold the handle of the glass that had the tea Izzy gave him. He made sure to check how secure the lid was and that the straw would stay in place, so he doesn’t end up slipping it all over himself. That would be an embarrassing way to meet the downworlder leaders. Hi yes I’m Alec Lightwood Head of this Institute, don’t mind the fact that I can’t speak, I have cuts and bruises everywhere and an IV stuck in my arm AND the fact that I just spilled hot tea all over myself and all over all of you. 

Alec shakes those thoughts out of his head, being self-deprecating isn’t going to help him in this situation and isn’t going to calm his nerves. His right hand grasps the IV pole and slowly rolls it as he takes a step, then another. His torso still aches and if he twists a certain way the pain would flare up. But he moves carefully towards the door and into the hallway. He remembers the proverb, slow and steady wins the race but the slow end up dying before their time. Sometimes, he wonders why shadowhunters need to be so grim.

Since it was night time most of the shadowhunters were on patrol, catching up on sleep or hanging out in the ops room. Alec made his way to his room and once he unlocked the door he let out a breathe.

The shadowhunter set his drink and tablet down on his desk, mindful of the stacks of books that were in hazardous piles. It’s the only messy part of his job, well that and killing demons and getting blood on every piece of clothing he owns. Alec rolls his way to his closet, picking a black button down from that back that he was pretty sure was Jaces before Clary reorganized his wardrobe.

He methodically takes off his hoodie and slips on the shirt, it was awkward rolling his sleeves and buttoning up without the use of his other thumb. So he leaves three buttons undone on the top so the fabric wouldn't stretch and pull on his bandages and stitches.

Once he is done he goes to the bathroom and checks himself in the mirror. He has two little bandages on his cheek and jaw but they do little to cover the swelling purple coloration happening under the skin. He doesn't want to take the bandages off but he needs to look as presentable as he can, he hopes Max won't mind too much. Alec carefully peels them off, laying them sticky side up on the counter, maybe he could put them back on when the meeting was over.

He damps a washcloth in cold water and holds it up to his face in hopes that the swelling would go down. Alec lets his mind wonder.

Him and Magnus Bane the High Warlock of Brooklyn are soulmates and the first words he said were, "You look pretty worthless to me".

The shadowhunter always thought that it would be said out of hate and the two of them would be enemies. He thought that he would say something vicious back to them and attack them just as they have attacked him. But he couldn't do that when he meet Magnus, not only because he was gagged and his throat was messed up, but his first response was shock, not anger.

Alec doesn't know if there has been a time when a soulmate doesn't immediately say the words back. But now he is is a position where he can choose his words. He wants them to be comforting in the way his own words were not. He barely knows Magnus and he wants him to be able to look at his own mark and know that just because he is a warlock doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him.

The shadowhunter thinks hard trying to come up with a phrase that will be comforting. Maybe “you can't help how you are born”. (One of the first words Alec said to Magnus in the book City of Bones).

Hm that could be taken as negative, like yeah we're soulmates but you can’t help how you are born and I really don’t want to date a warlock, he doesn't want there to be any misunderstanding over the words he is going to speak to Magnus. He’ll have to think about it more later.

Alec removes the wash cloth and debates if he should take out his IV, he wants to look like a take charge leader and that he has the power to protect downworlders if they need help. But Izzy is already going to throw a fit about him leaving his bed in the infirmary he doesn't want her to lock him up for taking out the IV.

Alec decides to leave it in, he face is bruised, his bandages on his chest are peeking out, he can’t speak what's an IV going to do? Damage his image more? He hopes they see that even when he is faced with challenges, his own health in this case, he will still make time for the downworlders.

And if they think that he is weak, then he will just have to prove to them how capable he is, he’s the best archer of this generation, one of the best people to run an Institute, and above all he knows his own skills and worth. He’s got this.

With that Alec takes a large chug of his mostly cold tea, carefully gathers his things and rolls the IV stand out of the door and towards the meeting room.


End file.
